Sunday, April 25, 2010

A PERFECT COMPANION DOES NOT GUARANTEE SATISFACTION - Marriage Counseling With The Wonderful Counselor - Part XXII

Sometimes in relationships things don't always go very well. Most of us who have had any experience in this area know that this is an understatement. Often, because of the disillusionment and disappointment with the present circumstances of a relationship, people are tempted to believe that if only their husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend were more attractive or more intelligent or just much better, everything would be alright. This is not necessarily true. For if it were possible to unite us with the person whom we believe to be everything that we are looking for, it would not take very long for us to discover that we may not be all that we thought we were. Often we think better circumstances or better people would make our lives much better when in actuality, there is something in us that could work against our "perfect relationship." When we say perfect, we are speaking about someone who says and does the right things at the right times. Would a perfect boyfriend or girlfriend or perfect husband or wife make us happy ? This is what we will look at in this week's post...


Eve had a perfect home and a perfect husband who had pure affections, perfect thoughts and control of his appetites and passions. Yet, Eve was not satisfied.
What can we learn from this ?

Our happiness comes not from what is around us, but from what is within us; not from what we have, but from what we are.

It's not what's around us or what we have that is the source of true happiness. Happiness depends upon what are and what we have within us. Apart from Christ, all that we have is self and self can never be satisfied and self will never keep a person happy.

Adam was a perfect type of man. Every quality of mind was well proportioned, each having a distinctive office, and yet dependent one upon another for the full and proper use of any one of them. As Adam came forth from the hand of his Creator, he was of noble height, and of beautiful symmetry. He was more than twice as tall as men now living upon the earth, and was well proportioned. His features were perfect and beautiful. Adam was in the perfection of manhood--the noblest of the Creator's works. He was in the image of God, but a little lower than the angels. (James 3:2/1 John 4:18,12/Psalms 37:37/Matthew 5:48/Hebrews 2:7/Genesis 1:31,6:4)

Man came from the hand of God perfect in organization and beautiful in form. All his faculties of mind and body were fully developed and harmoniously balanced. His nature was in harmony with the will of God. His affections were pure; his appetites and passions were under the control of reason. Before his fall Adam was free from the results of the curse. When he was assailed by the tempter, none of the effects of sin were upon him. He was created perfect in thought and in action. (Proverbs 12:5,16:3/Galatians 5:22,23/Matthew 5:5,8)

Eve had all that her wants required. There was nothing lacking to make her happy, but intemperate appetite desired the fruit of the only tree that God had withheld. She had no need of the fruit of the tree of knowledge, but she permitted her appetite and curiosity to control her reason. She was perfectly happy in her Eden home by her husband's side; but, like restless modern Eves, she was flattered that there was a higher sphere than that which God had assigned her. Eve had everything to make her happy. She was surrounded by fruit of every variety. Yet the fruit of the forbidden tree appeared more desirable to her than the fruit of all the other trees in the garden of which she could freely eat. She was intemperate in her desires. (Genesis 2:8-16/Proverbs 10:22/Hebrews 13:5)

According to the Bible, Eve was overcome through her senses. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. (Genesis 3:6) Eve heard the voice of the serpent, saw, touched and tasted the fruit and more than likely smelled it.

For the sake of gratifying the taste, Eve transgressed the command of God. He had given her everything her wants required, yet she was not satisfied. Ever since, her fallen sons and daughters have followed the desires of their eyes and of their taste. Eve was beguiled by the serpent to believe that God would not do as He said He would. "Ye shall not surely die," said the serpent. Eve ate and imagined that she felt the sensations of a new and more exalted life. She bore the fruit to her husband, and that which had an overpowering influence upon him was her experience. (Genesis 3:13/Ecclesiastes 1:16/2 Corinthians 11:3) (Human experiences which rely upon senses alone are not always safe or adequate guides for making decisions)

The serpent had said that she should not die, and she felt no ill effects from the fruit, nothing which could be interpreted to mean death, but, just as the serpent had said, a pleasurable sensation which she imagined was as the angels felt. Her experience stood arrayed against the positive command of Jehovah, and Adam permitted himself to be seduced by the experience of his wife. (Genesis 3:6,17/1 Timothy 2:14)

Adam and Eve were a perfect couple who had everything they needed to be happy. It is highly unlikely that a loving God did not supply all that was necessary for their pleasure and enjoyment. There was no emotional insecurity or lack of human love and intimacy. Material, intellectual, physical, emotional and all needs were met. Yet, they were offered and accepted a false experience being deceived thereby with the promise of a better life than the one they were experiencing. There is a such thing as a right experience and a wrong experience and depending upon which one is cultivated, the character is shaped for eternal life or eternal death.

Having all that we humanly need or all that we humanly desire will never satisfy us unless Christ is supreme in our affections and the chief cornerstone of our character purifying all our desires.

By the grace of God, we will continue this study in another post.
Have a wonderful evening.

You have just been reading from page 24 of a booklet entitled, "Marriage Counseling With The Wonderful COUNSELOR" Look for more pages from this booklet in future blog posts... If you are interested in having the entire book email your request to You can see what the cover looks like at and by clicking on products.

Friday, April 9, 2010


Can you do this ? Can anyone do this ? It may be hard but it is not impossible. We're talking about loving someone and being a lovely person without receiving human love in return. Well, why would I want to do that you might ask. For one thing the best experience of love is in giving it not receiving it. Receiving love and being appreciated is certainly good and more in harmony with our human nature. However, the purer, better and more fulfilling love is experienced by giving it and it is this kind of love that is most needed in all relationships; especially marriage. It all boils down to you being the beautiful person that God created you to be regardless of how anyone treats you. That is called Christ-likeness and it requires the grace of God.


The husband or the wife can be loving even if one of them does not receive human love from the other. This can only happen by the grace of God and His love being shed abroad in the heart.

Those who enter the marriage relation while unconverted should not after conversion leave their unbelieving companions. Whatever their religious character may be, they must remain faithful, kind, and true toward them; yet they should acknowledge the claims of God above any earthly relationship, serving him with fidelity, even though inconvenience, trials, and persecutions may arise for the sake of Christ and the truth. This persevering fidelity to truth and duty may be a sanctifying influence upon the unbelieving companion. Even sinners whose hearts are not utterly closed to God's Spirit will respond to kindness; while they may give hate for hate, they will also give love for love. But it is only the Spirit of God that gives love for hatred. To be kind to the unthankful and to the evil, to do good hoping for nothing again, is the insignia of the royalty of heaven, the sure token by which the children of the Highest reveal their high estate. (1 Corinthians 7:10-16/Luke 6:32-35)

In the character of Abigail, the wife of Nabal, we have an illustration of womanhood after the order of Christ; while her husband illustrates what a man may become who yields himself to the control of Satan. Nabal was like the rich man in the parable. He had only one thought,--to use God's merciful gifts to gratify his selfish animal appetites. He had no thought of gratitude to the giver. He was not rich toward God; for eternal treasure had no attraction for him. (1 Samuel 25:36/Romans 8:5/Galatians 5:19-21)

Nabal was naturally unreasonable and abusive, and when aroused he knew not what he said or did. The piety of Abigail, like the fragrance of a flower, breathed out all unconsciously in face and word and action. The Spirit of the Son of God was abiding in her soul. Her heart was full of purity, gentleness, and sanctified love. Her speech, seasoned with grace, and full of kindness and peace, shed a heavenly influence. Kind words make the life beautiful and noble; for in them is the spirit that pervades heaven. (1 Samuel 25:3,10,1126,28,30/Galatians 5:22,23)

Nabal had scornfully inquired, "Who is David?" but Abigail called him, "My Lord." With kind words she sought to soothe his irritated feelings. She did not reproach him for his hasty action, for she felt assured that a little time and reflection would work a change in his purpose, and that his conscience itself would condemn the violent measure which he was about to take. She pleaded with David in behalf of her husband. (1 Samuel 25:24)

With utter unselfishness of spirit, she desired him to impute the whole blame of the matter to her, and not to charge it to her poor, deluded husband, who knew not what was for his own good or happiness. What a spirit is this ! With nothing of ostentation or pride, but full of the wisdom and love of God, Abigail revealed the strength of her devotion to her household. Whatever was her husband's disposition, he was her husband still, and she made it plain to the indignant captain that the unkind course of her husband was in nowise premeditated against him as a personal affront; but it was simply the outburst of an unhappy and selfish nature. (1 Samuel 25:24,25,28,31,10,11)

Abigail was a loving and lovely person without love from her husband. Is it possible for a human being to be like Abigail ? There are many more examples like this that could be cited but the greatest example is seen in the person of Jesus Christ. By the enabling grace of God, any person can become Christ-like in character and give love even if he or she does not receive it.

By the grace of God, we will continue this study in another post.
Have a wonderful weekend.

You have just been reading from page 23 of a booklet entitled, "Marriage Counseling With The Wonderful COUNSELOR" Look for more pages from this booklet in future blog posts... If you are interested in having the entire book email your request to You can see what the cover looks like at and by clicking on products.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

HIGHER EDUCATION - A MASTER'S DEGREE IN RELATIONSHIPS - Marriage Counseling With The Wonderful Counselor - Part XX

This also cometh forth from the LORD of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working.
(ISAIAH 28:29)

Someone has said that if we stop learning then we stop living. To gain an education that makes one a better person is certainly a noble goal. Better person according to the world's standards, however, may often refer to a person's monetary value rather than his or her moral worth. The education that teaches a person how to give the most and how to be the best in a relationship is priceless. This is the kind of instruction that God wants everyone to have. In this post we will visit one of the classes being taught in the school of marriage and take good notes.


School - a place of education or collection of pupils of any kind; any place of improvement or learning. (American Dictionary of the English Language)

Marriage is certainly a place of learning and a place of potential growth and improvement. Notice what is to be the study in the school of marriage for the students who are enrolled.

To gain a proper understanding of the marriage relation is the work of a lifetime. Those who marry enter a school from which they are never in this life to be graduated. It should henceforth be the life study of both husband and wife how to avoid everything that creates contention and to keep unbroken the marriage vows.

It is the duty of every married couple to studiously avoid marring the feelings of each other. They should control every look and expression of fretfulness and passion. They should study each other's happiness, in small matters, as well as in large, manifesting a tender thoughtfulness, in acknowledging kind acts and the little courtesies of each other. These small things should not be neglected, for they are just as important to the happiness of man and wife, as food is necessary to sustain physical strength.
Study to advance the happiness of each other.

The word study means to fix the mind closely upon a subject; to apply the mind to; to dwell upon in thought. (American Dictionary of the English Language)

In summary, here is what marriage students need to study...

1. how to avoid everything that creates contention
2. how to keep unbroken the marriage vows
3. each other’s happiness

(Proverbs 24:3, 17:14, 13:10, 1:5, 9:9, 16:21,23/Psalms 101:3/1 Corinthians 7:3/Ephesians 4:32/1 Timothy 6:8/Philippians 2:3/Exodus 20:13,14/Deuteronomy 6:6,7, 11:19/Amos 3:3/John 13:17)

The world generally and somewhat ignorantly teaches people how to fight fair or disagree and argue successfully. It is believed that contention is inevitable and some say that adultery is not so bad. One's personal happiness is often considered the priority which should guide decisions regarding the relationship. On the other hand, God teaches that it is best to avoid contentions altogether and He shows us how to do it. In connection with Christ, both the husband and wife may receive enabling grace to resist and overcome all selfish tendencies that threaten to destroy marriage. While it is true that these lessons are not generally taught in the world, if husbands and wives actually study and apply the principles of these subjects, they will be prepared to pass the test of finances, the test of fading outward beauty, the feelings and emotions test, and any of life’s other physical, mental or spiritual tests.

By the grace of God, we will continue this study in another post.
Have a triumphant day in Christ.

You have just been reading from page 22 of a booklet entitled, "Marriage Counseling With The Wonderful COUNSELOR" Look for more pages from this booklet in future blog posts... If you are interested in having the entire book email your request to You can see what the cover looks like at and by clicking on products.