Thursday, October 29, 2009

I LOVE YOU - I HATE YOU - WE'VE GOT ISSUES - Marriage Counseling With The Wonderful Counselor - Part IV

What's really at the root of the disunity, disagreement and divorces that are dissolving marriages today ? To the undiscerning mind, there may be many "surface issues" that appear to be causes. Some believe personality conflicts are a cause. It is interesting to note that the Bible seems to consistently point to flaws in human character as the cause of all disharmony in relationships. Personality and character are not the same thing. Personality is the outward you. Character is the real you inside - thoughts and feelings. The chief flaw in human character is sin and all sin is selfishness.


Differences of character exist by nature, but our unity depends upon the degree in which we yield to the transforming influence of the Spirit of God. Those who refuse to be guided by the Spirit of God are always a hindrance to their companions. While those who yield to the influence of the Holy Spirit begin war with themselves, those who cling to sin war against the truth and its representatives. While one of those so closely united is engaged in devotion, the other is indifferent and careless; while one is seeking the way to everlasting life, the other is in the broad road to death. (Romans 8:5,7,9,14/Matthew 6:24)

The happiness and prosperity of the married life depend upon the unity of the parties. How can the carnal mind harmonize with the mind that is assimilated to the mind of Christ ? One is sowing to the flesh, thinking and acting in accordance with the promptings of his own heart; the other is sowing to the Spirit, seeking to repress selfishness, to overcome inclination, and to live in obedience to the Master, whose servant he professes to be. Thus there is a perpetual difference of taste of inclination and of purpose. What is it that causes dissension and discord ? It is the result of walking apart from Christ. Those who are not yoked up with Christ always pull the wrong way. (James 4:1/Matthew 12:30)

If a woman respects not the claims of God, pays no heed to the bonds which bind her to religion, how can she be expected to be faithful to the law which binds her to her husband ? This same principle applies to every man. He who is not true to his God cannot be true to his wife. (1 John 4:7,8,20/Luke 16:10)


Unless men and women have learned of Christ, His meekness and lowliness, they will reveal the impulsive, unreasonable spirit so often revealed by children. The strong, undisciplined will will seek to rule. By contention over trivial matters, a bitter spirit is cultivated.

Open disagreements and bickering bring inexpressible misery into the home, and drive asunder those who should be united in the bonds of love. Home is made anything but happy if the evil weeds of dissension, selfishness, envy, passion, and sullen stubbornness are left to flourish in the neglected garden of the soul. Decorations of dress and houses do not make people happy; but the lowliest dwelling may be beautified, and the poorest family be made rich, by the possession of meekness, kindness and love. Pleasant voices, gentle manners, and sincere affection that finds expression in all the actions, together with industry, neatness, and economy, make even a hovel the happiest of homes. (1 Corinthians 13:11/Matthew 11:29)

If the Word of God is obeyed, the home will be the center of the highest kind of missionary work, but those who are at a disagreement in the home life, do not practice the words of the Lord, and will never be fit to enter the heavenly mansions, unless they are transformed by the grace of Christ. If the Lord should permit them to enter heaven, they would not be happy, for they would find something that would not please them. Someone would be in heaven whom they had never loved on earth, and they would want them banished from the place of bliss. (Jeremiah 13:23/Hebrews 5:8,9)

By the grace of God, we will continue this study in another post. Have a wonderful weekend.


© 2009 Tyrone Keels

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